Men who are not slaves to their sexual urges are among the few, focused men. Focused men are powerful men. — Some unknown dude who got it right.
So there I was, in my hostel room, alone. Just finished dinner, and while other friends of mine were roaming around with girls etc. I was here, alone, feeling the rush of something inside me(maybe some stuff that happens after dopamine is released)that kept on building as I “prepared” my room for the act. Not that I didn’t know what was going to happen 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes from now and thereafter, I was excited, nevertheless, AS ALWAYS. Maybe that’s something the huge release of dopamine does to you- you know what’s going to happen YET you do it for the sake of abiding by what the chemical release has told you to do. You can’t help your mind, oh crap, you are your mind. Insane stuff in our bodies I must say. Anyway, I took my phone out, plugged in my earphones and did the process right, and climaxed in the washroom, as usual. BUT, this time things were a bit different. I didn’t feel “satisfied”. Nobody does, I know, but this really was something different. I felt weak, really weak, and most importantly, I bumped into a friend of mine who was on his way to meet his girl and then he’d go play football. That simple thing, at that moment, made me feel sad, really sad about myself. Then as the night progressed, I sat down, contemplating on why I felt bad about myself. Then a startling revelation struck me, could it be because I jerk off very often? I had read all the ill effects of masturbation and all, but they didn’t make much to me, not until now. Then I thought that since I’ve already screwed up my mind, my body and my very own being, I might give abstaining from masturbation a shot. Who cares? What will happen at most? I’ll relapse? Doesn’t matter. I’ve been on this sick thing for a year now(many are on it for decades, I know. I’m just telling about me.) and I’ve never felt as worthless and worth-being-disposed-off-as-garbage as now.
To tell you something, I am a spiritual dude(but a normal boy too :/). I believe there is something out there we can focus and believe in which can guide us towards our betterment. So I picked up that to hang on for the rest of my time to come.
Cleaned my browser history, washed my clothes and started focusing on my work all the time. The BEST way to avoid relapse is to not watch sexually arousing content. I completely stopped looking at girls, when outside. Tried to infuse the thought “all girls are my sisters” deep inside my brain and we all know, once we take the first step towards transformative, initially it’s very exciting and thus you can easily focus on the targets you had set easily and this helped me follow the above 2 rules which, in turn, changed my thinking drastically. After coming from work, whenever I thought some room for crap-thinking might start to develop because I was idle, I diverted my attention to a very different school of thought. I focused on what all can I consume on a daily basis to help me with my chronic yet ignored illnesses.[I have chronic sinusitis from a very young age :( ] So in-place of lying down and binge-watching stuff on YouTube(my go-to platform), I started researching the usage of turmeric, black pepper, almond oil etc. to help myself. 2 drops of almond oil daily in my nose.
So what was the result?
I feel full of energy now. Plus not masturbating has made me realise that I had lost myself somewhere into an abyss of indescribable negativity and lifelessness. I got myself back. Now whenever I walk past girls I don’t get any of those thoughts anymore, I get a feeling of being a fellow human who can be supportive and helpful(if there be any need), without any expectations. I volunteer and engage more with the society around me and the magical part is that they acknowledge my presence and efforts more and more. Maybe that’s because when your intentions are clean and your effort comes from a genuine standpoint of helping others, there’s little reason(beyond obvious suspicion which is a human trait) for someone to not to acknowledge and respect.
I stopped faking myself in-front of my associates and that grew my self-respect by heaps and bounds. The feeling of guilt started to fade away, I started to take more responsiblity of the smallest of the things I did. The way of feeling thankful for every good talk or interaction I engaged in increased a lot, and that is something vital to our existence(to validate our own selves :) ), I think.
Anything unique to share?
Yes, there is one thing. I started to observe the lifestyle of my fellow-people and this, I think, can be generalised for a majority of youth in a similar setup. Students(boys) have succumbed to this idea of masturbation and in-turn it has shaped their entire routine in a monotonous way. A boy who used to go out doesn’t go out anymore but keeps loathing around till the evening and once his “high time” comes and he’s done with his act, calmly sleeps and the cycle repeats. All his ambitions, all his plans, disappear into oblivion. And what to say if gets into drugs and stuff.
Advice from a friend
There are other, more interesting things to do. IF you’re stuck in some problem and can’t see a way out, keep yourself busy in finding a solution. Worse, if the problem is emotional or is regarding some family stuff, understand that this cannot be the answer. Take time and figure out something. Start pursuing that weird(not maybe not :’) hobby you wanted to when you were younger.
The point of saying all this is not to write another article but to make you understand that there is no point indulging in an activity which will take away your precious youth and before you know it, you’re out of college, doing a corporate job, regretting every second of why you did not pursue stuff you wanted to, when you all the time.
So that’s it. Cheers to life!
Note:- Only my personal views, nothing else. So relax, please :)